The Only Constant in Life is Change

It’s a day of epiphanies. One year ago this month, I went mobile. Emptied my house, traded my truck for a motor home and hit the road with my cat, Lily. We spent six months wreaking havoc throughout the southwest, then returned to California and have been parked at Madre Grande Monastery, deciding what’s next.

The epiphany is, as mobile as my house was; my career was immobilized, at a dead standstill. I was immobilized, hanging in limbo while I sorted through my past to clear up any lingering debris. I was stuck in old client rates in a new economy, and old relationships that didn’t work the first time but somehow they got a second (or third) chance only to fail once again. 

The verdict on all this dipping into the past is, enough is enough. I know for a fact that all you have to do to change your life is to change your mind. And mean it. No lingering pity party, no hopeless wishing it was  different, no more waiting to have a happy childhood. 

This is your life. You chose this incarnation. The good news is, if you don’t get it this time, you’ll get another chance in another lifetime. Or is that the bad news? Do you really want to numb out now, give up on being all you can be, of being at your most joyous every possible moment of the day, just so you can come back in another life and survive all the hard stuff all over again in order to get back to where you are now?  That sentence is nowhere near as long as repeating a lifetime because you don’t believe you can change your mind in this one.

Whatever you’re holding onto that hurts; the first step is to decide today to tell a different story about it. You can change your mind about anything, once you’ve decided you’re willing to do so. Sometimes it’s necessary to dip into the past in order to make peace and release those things that are hanging so you can move on. Just be sure you don’t get stuck there.

Never Forgive Again

OMG, you say?

Before you click away, let me explain.

When you say the words, "I forgive you", you're saying you've the right to judge another person and have the ability to wipe away what’s been done. However, karmically, religiously, righteously, cosmically, even comically, it’s just not in your power. That’s up to a power greater than you, one that hasn't made mistakes or hurt anyone else, ever.

According to the books, the religions, and the righteous, you’re supposed to forgive those who’ve caused you harm in order to heal the wounds, so as soon as you realize you’re hurting from something that’s been done to you, you rush to forgive.

I’ve got news for you. You can’t forgive. It’s not your job. You’re not the divine. You’re not god. You’re a soul having a human experience, and in this body you’ve been hurt.

But…but…but…If I don’t forgive I’ll never heal!!!! So you’ve been told. Probably the last thing in the world you want to do is to forgive them, but conditioning tells you that you must. So you say the words: I forgive him, her, them, my parents, friends, boss, whoever. You experience a cathartic moment of peacefulness. If you're like most people, the moment doesn't last.

When you forgive someone you're denying your own experience and causing yourself more harm! You've entered into collusion. You're saying that what they did to you was terrible but it’s okay. It's not really okay though, and you know it. Here comes the shame and guilt. Didn’t you say you’d forgiven them?  Now you beat yourself up for not being strong enough or good enough. You must be bad because you’ve failed at forgiving. You forgive them again. And again. Can you feel that in your gut, the feeling of betrayal to your own self? 

I do agree that we have to do something in order to heal and get on with having a happy life. What I've offered to my clients instead of forgiving is RELEASING. Release whoever has hurt you, for whatever reason. Dig up the details and examine them. Admit all the pain that's been caused. Then leave them to their own karmic experience. It will come. You may or may not be there for it. Trust me, it will happen. It’s physics. What goes up must come down. For every positive there’s a negative.

 

Try this right now and decide for yourself. Think of someone you’ve forgiven. Think of what they did then forgive them again. Say the words out loud "I forgive you".  Check in with your body. Is there anywhere in you that has a twinge? Do you feel nauseous or the need to clear your throat? Are you breathing? Do you feel resentment, or do you feel love? If you feel anything other than love, forgiveness hasn’t happened, and if you haven’t released them then you’re still making impaired life decisions that are influenced by pain and denial.

Now think of the same situation and release them. Let them go, knowing with absolute certainty that you can’t possibly know their entire story or what consequences their actions have, are, or will, cause them. This is the real meaning of letting go. Releasing is letting go. Literally. You might say they are just words. I say words are energy and they matter.

What you'll find is when you release others, you too are released. You can move forward. It's over.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. Last I checked I was still human.